Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
and she was petting her beer can
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
