I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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