We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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