hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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