So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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