my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
