You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
