whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
