Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
