remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize