I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you made out with another girl for some wings
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
