Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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