Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
