he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
