Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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