Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
