i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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