In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
