I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
