Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
