You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
