I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
