Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
