FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
