paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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