Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
