; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
