Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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