he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
