so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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