Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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