i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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