Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
