when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
