Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
