hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
