i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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