2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
