You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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