I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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