worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
