Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You can't motorboat a personality
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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