tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
please come you make the beer taste better
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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