Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
