Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
