He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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