made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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