I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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