lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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