i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
