This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
