I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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