Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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