my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
