The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
