Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
