im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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