Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
