Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
