its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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